I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize