just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
