i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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