apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
