He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
