You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
