If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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