we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
