Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
her vagine was all disorganized.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
