I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
