...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
