just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
