just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
