I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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