I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
