Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
