My cat gives me a boner
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
