I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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