I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
