I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
