Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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