She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
