I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
