We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He did a backflip because drugs
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
