I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
