When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My vagina is officially offended.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
