His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
