I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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