OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
