she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
two words: eviction party
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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