please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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