If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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