i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
