Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
