It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
