I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
