I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
