you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
