I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
