i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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