the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
