Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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