My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
