On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
