You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
