you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
