Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
