these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
