Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize