Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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