my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Is it because I queefed?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
