I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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