Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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