God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
