they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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