On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
