His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
