her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
