I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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