Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
