Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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