Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
