I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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