I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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