You're so nebulous sometimes
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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