she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
