Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
