why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
