One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
