I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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