never play flip cup with pint glasses
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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