You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
