We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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