By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
