John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
