so let's talk penis.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
