then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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