We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
