they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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