When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
is wine microwaveable?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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