dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
