It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The adults are the big ones right?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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