I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
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Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
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On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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