Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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